The Comprehensive Range of Who I Am

           The heat. The sweat. The frenzy. The thrashing guitar solo and the pulsing rhythm of the drum. And above all, the high-pitched, ear shattering screams of the man who contributed to the musical field of heavy metal. "Sworn to avenge! Condemn to hell! Tempt not the blade, all fear the sentinel!"

           A month and a few days ago, I was standing amidst a wild crowd, jumping up and down, slamming into each other, whistling and screaming unintelligible phrases, out of which pretty much only two words could be made out - "Judas Priest." I have been an ardent fan of their heavy metal music, which I often listen to in a multitude of occasions, including during studying, when on the move, and even sometimes in the car or on the bus, while I am sleeping to the rhythmical motion of the vehicle. Thus when I heard that these metal gods were coming to perform in Korea for their final Epitaph world tour, I had seized this precious and last chance and gone to see them in person, albeit from afar.

           At the concert, there was a thirty minute interval between the moment in which the guest performers finished their songs, and the moment when the curtain with the Judas Priest symbol rose up slowly and the legendary figure of Robert Halford emerged on the stage, with his bald head and distinctive beard. During this period of preparation, the crowd could do nothing but wait. While some people started talking to each other about topics both related and unrelated to music - which song from the album "British Steel" they loved best, which solo of KK Downing they had most been awed at, what happened to them on their way to the concert and what they were going to do afterwards, I stood there thinking about how I'd come to see the live performance of one of the still existent defenders of the faith.

K.K. Downing

Richie Faulkner

           I barely knew rock until I was in the third grade of middle school. I listened to a variety of music, mostly hip-hop, but also Korean folk songs from the 70s and 80s with a pinch of Korean popular music which so exclusively involved idols. I have no definite dislike of a music genre. I attempt to understand that there is a charm to every music genre which was the source of their appearance in the music industry in the first place, and appreciate it. I may not like the skills of certain singers and artists, but of only the music itself, I hardly harbor distaste. I was first introduced to the music of Judas Priest, or rather, the title of the song "Painkiller," which frankly, sounded ridiculous the first time. I forgot about it until I came to KMLA, when I was introduced to the band more seriously by my classmate who had very much insight into rock and metal. As always, I accepted their music without resistance, and came to like their style. So there I stood waiting to see whether Richie Faulkner could effectively cover KK's absence.

           Come to think of it, my whole personality has always been this way - lenient and comprehensive. I think this is quite evident in two aspects - how I interact with other people and in my academics. In interpersonal relations, I rarely argue my opinion strongly unless it involves dire consequences which I am certain I cannot bear - most of the time, I am tolerant.

           I started writing this essay in the dark, not because the lights had been forcibly turned off from the dormitory rooms after two o'clock in the morning to ensure that the students got some decent sleep to support themselves through the following day. No, the time was eleven in the evening, a time when in most other rooms, the main light is turned on, and normal visibility is achieved. Instead the lack of proper visibility was due to the preferences of my roommate who not only prefers the dark, but says that he needs it in order to study. I do not studying in a camera obscura with only a lamplight on, but as he says that he cannot study in other conditions, while I can bear with the dark, I said fine. And it's not the first time. Although I will not disclose particular names, I have had to endure friends watching movies without earphones or headphones while I attempt to do my homework, and I have had to listen to the snores of a roommate who insisted on going to bed before midnight. But I have deemed them as bearable and disregarded the inconveniences they gave me. And I still plan to do so in the future, because I despise the idea that in order to insist on my conveniences, I will be causing another person severe difficulties in whatever it is, academics, slumber, etc.

           My comprehensive attitude is also prevalent in my academic preferences, or more decisively, academic dispreferences - none. Zip. Nil. Nada. The range of synonyms is vast, but all in all, it can be said that in every subject I see value and interest. I may not always have talent in all, but I am willing to try out all that I can in order to find that talent, and I am more than happy to do so, as I am interested in all academic subcategories.

           This leads me to a life complex and problem that I have been having since about the second grade of my middle school - what to do with my life. I have experimented with a great diversity of subjects since middle school. In middle school, I studied physics for a while, I took the Korean Chemistry Olympiad and got a bronze prize, also received a prize in the Korean Mathematics Olympiad, studied economics with my father, and attempted to read philosophy books (at this, however, I failed). In high school I expanded my interests to art, becoming a member of the school photography club. And the result is that I have no clear idea of what I have to do for a living. People say that the ideal job is that which adequately integrates talent and interest. Well, I think that I am above average in an extensive variety of subjects, but at the same time, do not excel profoundly in one. And I have no particular liking of a subject either, so I have been having the problem that it seems that I ran into a dead end - or rather, a mental quagmire in which everything seems to stick onto me and pull me down. Had just one thing attracted me, then I could have clung onto that vine with passion and saved myself from a lack of hope for the future.

           But at the same time, I like to think of this as who I am - a tolerant all-rounder, an intellectual multiplayer. I will live with others as I have done now, putting myself after others. I still have hope that I will be able to find something that fits me perfectly, a job that can employ all my interests and knowledge and will be more gratifying to me than any other career. So still I do not strive to find one specific interest, but keep on living as I have always done, doing everything I can.

           As I write, I am listening to the song "Nostradamus" from Judas Priest's album "Nostradamus." "Your future lies within my eyes. What I predict will terrify. I can't control what comes to be, from the past to the present to eternity," sings Halford. If I can't control who I am, then so be it. If who I am will control me, then I leave my fate in my hands. That sounds about right.